WEDDINGS. .. and so much more

I love weddings, I really really do. I doubt there's any lady that doesn't like weddings anyway. Where do I start from sef, is it the wedding dress or the cake or the hair or the wedding colours? Most of us ladies already had/have our dream wedding dresses in mind, our type of venue, the kind of traditional attire we will wear for the traditional wedding, we already had our wedding colours in mind, the bridal train e.t.c way way before we even met /meet the groom to be. Now that weddings are even a big deal around here now, one has to pay extra attention to details. Everybody wants a wedding that people will remember for a long time. Even me, as much as I complain that am usually busy during the weekends, I usually like to go to weddings because its a chance to dress up, meet old friends, see the bride's wedding gown (I usually look out for that), the cake (this one too is very important), the rice (especially the ones that smell like they've been cooked using the firewood) , small chops, cocktails, the bride and groom' s dance when they are entering the reception. ..and so on. You see why I love weddings now? did I mention the couple's first dance?especially if they are so in love that one can actually feel it? (I' ve been to some weddings where it looked like the bride and groom were forced to get married, they usually spoil my appetite for small chops after their first dance...lol).

There was this day I was going through some wedding pictures on a wedding website and the bride and groom said they used a year to plan their wedding. I didn't really dwell on it much because the one year planning really paid off, the wedding was spectacular. Later on, the wedding just came to my mind again and it got me thinking, if we can use a year to plan a wedding that is for a day or two or max one week, how long does it take us to plan for the marriage itself that is expected to last for a lifetime? These days, once you tell people you are engaged, the next question is 'when is the wedding'? I really wish people can start asking the couple to be, if they have done marriage counseling, if they have prayed, and if they are really sure they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. A colleague was gisting me the other day about a friend of hers that was getting married. She said the lady tried calling off the wedding after the introduction but her family members gave her hell, they went as far as calling her a witch, that how can she call off a wedding they have started planning, When they've found the perfect aso- ebi that will be sold for 15 k? Infact they stopped speaking to her at home, started having meetings with the groom and his family. Needless to say that the lady in question is now planning the wedding she didn't want. I really felt bad for the lady because when she opened up to my colleague to give her the reasons why she called off the wedding in the first place, they were actually good reasons, it wasn't a case of wedding jitters. The point am making here is that nobody tried to find out the lady's reasons for calling off the wedding, her family members were more concerned about the wedding and what people will say than they were about the marriage itself. I' ve discovered that we pay more attention to the wedding than the marriage, it seems to me that as big weddings are becoming common place in our society, short marriages are also becoming the norm.

Divorces used to be a taboo but these days, its no longer shocking to hear of marriages breaking up after a month or two. Someone was also saying recently that he went for some weddings last year, and about two of those marriages have broken up. Its sad, really sad because it seems to me that we now get married with us having it at the back of our minds that if it doesn't work, we are leaving. That is why I think its very important that couples go through pre- marital counseling before tying the knots. Be prepared, have an idea of what you are getting into, don't get carried away with all the wedding preparations leaving out the important ingredients for a healthy marriage. Seek help before you start. I' ve even read of couples that go for counseling before they even got engaged, so that if they discover some things they can't live with, they can quickly call it off before it becomes a family issue. If pre- marital counseling is not done in your church or in your religion, find out where it is done. There are professional marriage counselors these days so ignorance is not and will never be an excuse. Talk to people that have been married, people you know will tell you the truth cos I also know we like to form when it comes to marriage or relationships. Ask honest questions, ask them how it is done, go online. There are a million and one blogs and websites on marriage, while everything might not be applicable to you, you will find one or two things to learn. Last but not the least, if for whatever reason you are having doubts in that relationship, pause and think about it, if you know you can't live with whatever it is you' ve found, please call off the relationship, don't be carried away with the 'idea of getting married' , neglecting the reality of marriage itself. Be wise, divorces do not leave the parties involved the same way it met them, please lets take this issue of marriage more serious so that in our generation we can build stable homes that will in turn lead to stable societies. 

P.S. Happy eid- el kabir to all my Muslim friends, eat and drink responsibly. 

Thanks for stopping by, stay positive. ..xxx