THIS MARRIAGE MATTER
Hello everyone, its good to be back here once again.
Recently, I read some posts on Bellanaija that concerns marriage, "They want to feel wanted all the time" and "a guy will always weigh his options". In my opinion, as good as these articles are, especially in these days of marriages dissolving after 2 days or 2 months, its quite necessary to teach people how to make their marriage work. However, I feel these articles are making it seem like it is the job of the woman alone to make a marriage work which I think is totally unfair and untrue (we will leave this topic for another day). In the light of this, I think it is very necessary to share with you what we were taught when my Church - Lighthouse, organized a program for singles (The Marriage Orientation Program)it was quite insightful and I think sharing some tips on KNOWING WHOM TO MARRY ( thank me later..winks) can help us avoid some unnecessary wahala later on in marriage. Here we go:
1.You will know you are marrying the right person when you have support and encouragement about your own growth spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. It is very important that you are on the same wave length spiritually. You need to know what spirituality means to him or her, do you love going to church while he/she believes you can serve God in the corner of your room without necessarily going to church? you need to pay attention to things like this as they may seem insignificant now but blow up into major issues later in marriage. The right person will want to you to be emotionally healthy and be able to stand on your own two feet. Anyone who wants you to be totally dependent on them for everything doesn't care for you. Marriage is between two WHOLE individuals not that kain love where you will be clueless about everything and totally dependent on your partner to make all the decisions for you. When you are with the right person, you will feel good about yourself, safe and fulfilled, not that the person will keep making you feel inadequate and you are constantly under pressure to change so as to suit their needs. The right person will not be negative, selfish, overly silent or sensitive ( always getting angry over every issue, hence you have to constantly worry about saying the right things so that they don't take it the wrong way...whew!!!), the person will not be critical, the person should be able to accept who you are while encouraging you to be better.
2. It is important the person you want to marry is someone who is understanding and agreeable to your wants and needs when it comes to affection. Your future spouse says "I love you" not only in words but in actions too because "talk is cheap". They should provide emotional security and not make you feel like you have to beg for attention or affection all the time or make you feel like they are doing you a favor by being with you. The person should be caring, considerate and polite. Don't overlook little things like saying "thank you', "sorry", "please" e.t.c. Don't allow anybody to treat you like you are an option or that you don"t deserve to be treated with respect. Especially for ladies, make sure you are treated with respect, value yourself, tell yourself everyday you are worth it, you deserve the best, you are not worthless, have a good self-esteem because no one can treat you like a doormat unless you put yourself on the floor.
3. You should be able to communicate, have similar goals and values in life. Agree to disagree, having different likes and opinions is okay as long as you agree to disagree. The person should be willing to discuss marriage issues, questions and topics with you before and after you get married. Don't adopt the "when we get to that bridge, we will cross it" attitude all the time, trash issues now o before you start blowing grammar after you get married. Communication is really important, discuss your expectations in marriage, the kind of life you want to live after you get married, talk about everything and anything, communicate, communicate and communicate some more. The right person should also be honest with you, he/she should trust you and not monitor your phone calls, computer usage or limit the amount of time you spend with people you care about. He/she should not isolate you from your family and friends, he/she should not try to control your life but be willing to share.
Finally, when you discover red flags, don't delude yourself or ignore them. Don't talk yourself out of it or think you are being unreasonable about it. If it bothers you at all, then it is an ISSUE. Discuss it and find a way to resolve it.
I know this is quite lengthy but I hope you have gained one or two things from this post. Please don't forget the place of prayer ooo, it is verrrrrrrrrry important.
Thanks for stopping by...stay positive xxx.
P.S : Shout out to everyone who has visited this blog one time or the other and to everyone who has commented, God bless you...kisses